Chapter 1: Grauduation


“Tiffany Henson!!” my dean screams out to the stadium full of people.I hear a loud and roaring cheer, but I don’t know many of these people, only my 5 friends and some of the prestigious professors sitting out there somewhere. I’m sure those people that I heard cheering were not cheering for me. They were probably cheering for the chick in front of me because she USED  to be the university’s queen before she got caught up in a sex tape scandal. You know how it is at an HBCU…you are a great student, but end up dealing with a no good dude and BOOM, ya sex is all over the internet. Of course, she didn’t  consent to the video’s release and I am sure if she knew that her body parts would end up in the cyber world, she would have given her best effort…you know, her best foot forward! She was REAL BASIC in that video if you ask me. But enough about her! I am not even going to give you her name because this story is about me.

Yup, I am Tiffany Henson, and today, I got my Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology. I was in college for a good 6 years, but who’s counting? I got the degree and now I am destined for greatness! Watch out world, watch out people who thought I couldn’t make it and watch out Craig–R.I.P you dumb ass! I know y’all are probably wondering who Craig is…he’s the father of my son. He may need his very own chapter because that piece of work, that piece of my history, THAT PIECE OF SH….let me calm down. I’ll tell y’all about Craig another time because today is my graduation and I am not letting that no good boy take up my chapter–God rest his stupid ass soul. Plus, I am a Christian now.

I gave my life to the Lord last year, right after I was at the highest point of my life. Please don’t think I mean that it was the best or most successful point of my life. I literally meant the “highest” point of my life. I was in the car hot boxing with my sorority sister, Chante , and I think that the weed that we were smoking was laced because I started seeing stuff in the stars and I swear that the music playing in the car was in extreme slow motion. All I remember from that night was Chante crying about her lesbian lover leaving her for a guy– while she was humping the steering wheel, and my 97 year old ‘dead’ uncle talking to me about why drinking a possum’s blood was good for me. I ended the night vomiting in my Loui V shoes and wound up screwing Craig’s mediocre butt and creating my darling son, Darren. Do you understand why I had to get saved? I love my son and I am glad he is here, but his conception evening was satanic!

Anyway, I am glad to be sitting here at my graduation because I deserve this! My parents are NOT in this crowd of nicely dressed, sadity–pressed.com people, but I feel so good about myself today. I came a long way since high school and I am going to be even better in the next stage of my life. Right before my sorority chapter got suspended for pre-pledge hazing, my pledgee hooked me up with an internship and I networked very well! I networked so good…(I know the correct way of saying that was “I networked so well”…BUT THIS IS MY STORY AND IMMA SPEAK HOW I WANT,) ANYWAY,  they offered me a job! They even offered to pay for my Master’s Degree! Oh, y’all thought that this was about to be one of those disastrous, ghetto girl stories, huh? Nah, student loans and diaper prices are too real to be wasting life away! I did well for myself in these last 6 years, but it’s happiness and my future that I am worried about. My internship was here in Baltimore, Maryland, but my job offer is in Los Angeles, California! I don’t know shit about Cali. (Excuse my Lord in Savior-Saved French). I am moving to a new city, I have a son, a dead baby father, 5 so-called friends ( I don’t even know if they cheered for me today), no parents and a mysterious “future.” Will it be bright? I am out here in this stadium sweating profusely in this hot-ass sun, underneath this dumb black robe and super long Malaysian ( I wear the real stuff) weave…thinking about my life; what exactly is next?

Audio Version

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